The secret 1-2-3 of finding your Valentine

For better or worse, it’s that time again! The internet is staggering under the weight of Valentine’s Day related posts, and the shops are in a frenzy of romantic promotion. (Don’t worry, the absurdly early Easter eggs will be back shortly.) Depending on your situation, you’ll probably have one of three responses to Valentine’s Day.

1. “Yay! Candy, flowers and a whole lot of fooling around!”

= I’m newly in love and I’m hyped up on heart-shaped chocolate and Hallmark cards.

2. “Valentine’s Day? Better grab something on the way home…and go to bed a bit earlier.”

= We love each other, but, you know, it’s everyday life now.

3. “La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!” *fingers in ears*

= I have no Valentine. Please do not show me any pink cards, doe-eyed teddy bears or frilly red lingerie.

Valentines post picIf you’re in category 1, enjoy it – and good luck! Hopefully you’ll make it to category 2, which is actually a pretty great place to be. If you’re in category 3, read on. Here is my top secret, revealed only to you today, formula for harnessing the power of St Valentine and finding true love….

People often say, oh she’s too picky. Don’t be so fussy. You have to compromise. To this I say, no! Don’t compromise! If you know what you want – I mean really know – you just might get it. Not, “At this point, I just want someone taller than me, with a job and without halitosis.” You have to be more specific.

You have to narrow it down to THREE THINGS ONLY.

As you’ll soon discover, this is incredibly hard. How do you sum up the best aspects of a person in only three words? It makes you really think about what’s most important to you – what’s most dear to your heart, what are your deal-breakers, and what you really want your life to be like. You might end up learning as much about yourself as about your I-wish Valentine.

So what were the three things on my list?

1. Kind. It’s cheating a little maybe, but this covers so much. Thoughtful, friendly, nice to animals and small children, capable of real love, polite to your mother. You get the idea.

2. Intelligent. Note, I did not say academic. Those are two different things, if you ask me. I just wanted someone with a damn good brain, who was in on the joke. Plus, as we know, smart = sexy. (Yes, this has now been scientifically proven.)

3. Cheerful. Angsty heroes are fine in the pages of a book, less fun in real life. Life can be complicated, but oh, it’s so short! Let’s enjoy it!

And did this list work for me? Well, this is my fourteenth Valentine’s Day with the amazing guy who ticked all those boxes. So yes, it did. Maybe it’ll work for you too. I hope so!

Finally, in the name of all things romantic and not-at-all schmaltzy, here’s the most beautiful love song I know:

(If you like this version of To Make You Feel My Love, check out Adam’s other songs on YouTube.)

 

February 14, 2013

Tom Petty was right

There’s a lot of waiting going on at the moment. Everyone here in New Zealand has been waiting for the long, hot summer holidays. The kids are waiting for Christmas Day, resisting the temptation of the presents under the tree. Some people are waiting for the fresh start that the new year brings. And me? I’m nervously waiting to see what the designer will come up with for the cover of my first ever book, All Over the Place. And, of course, I’m counting down to February 18 – release day!

Sometimes the waiting really is the hardest part.

The answer is to keep busy, and make the time go faster. So that’s what I’ve been doing, and the result is one amazing early Christmas present – this gorgeous website! Thanks to Lewis, my super-talented (and very patient) web expert, who has worked so hard to help me get it up and running.

Now that All Over the Place is so close to publication, I realise what an incredible amount I’ve learned so far. In years past, writers only had to do just that – write. There was no blogging, tweeting, Facebooking or worrying about search engine optimisation. No one had to teach themselves the ins and outs of Amazon, Draft2Digital, widgets and plugins. Anne Tyler (one of my favourite authors) had until recently only granted two interviews in the fifty-something years of her career.

So times have changed – but maybe for the good. If they’re able to embrace the new possibilities, authors have the power to shape a career on their own terms. ‘Hybrid’ authors like New York Times bestseller Nalini Singh, from here in New Zealand, are enjoying the best of all worlds, combining traditional publishing and self-publishing.

And the people! I’ve had so much fun meeting other writers and book addicts, both in person and online. And I’ve been amazed and heartened by the way other writers all over the world – published and unpublished – generously share support, advice and encouragement. Sue, Kristine, LaVerne, the RNA authors, Kristy, Nicole, Toni, Lisa, Kari, Cait, all the Ladies in Red, and so many others – I can’t wait to see what success you have next!

Merry Christmas everyone, and may you receive everything you’ve been waiting for in 2013.

 

 

December 22, 2012

What if…?

Most of my childhood memories involve sitting high up in trees, keeping company with the bees. Holding on to swaying branches, I gazed out towards the horizon, looking for…something. I remember each house (and there were many) by the trees in the yard, or in the neighbourhood, and how far you could see from the top.

IMG_2654I was a daydreamer, and a worrier. What if…[insert problem here]? All the same, my childhood was happy – I learned piano and had horse-riding lessons, played with my sisters and roller-skated with my friends. It just seemed like there was a lot to think about.

As I got older, I worked, travelled, and was lucky and unlucky in love. I didn’t climb trees any more, but I was still constantly looking towards the horizon. Then – at last! – I found myself in the right place at the right time, and I met The Right Guy. When we started our little family, I had to spend less time with my head in the clouds. But the daydreaming had to go somewhere. Every time I took our two little boys to the library, I looked at the fiction shelves, full of books of all kinds. And the thought crept in: Someone has to write all those books…if they can do it, maybe I could too. What if I tried?

So after years of editing and proofreading other people’s work, and writing corporate, no-nonsense articles, I took the plunge. It was scary and daunting and I kept it very secret. I mean, who did I think I was, trying to be a writer? I snuck away to writers’ group meetings, conferences and workshops. And at one, an encouraging author said: “Writing is work, whether you are published or not.”

So I kept at it. Oh, it was agonising. The editor in me fussed over words and phrases and drove me mad. I struggled to wrestle the plot into shape. I missed fun family outings and stayed up too late night after night. But at the same time, it was utterly magical. Where did these people come from, with their opinions and jokes and flaws? They constantly surprised me with the things they decided to do and say. When the story got stuck, I wondered, well, what if…? And sooner or later, the answers came.

Finally, I finished. Well, I thought it was finished. It went for critique, then there was rewriting, and editing, and polishing. Then – miracle! I really had finished a book. I could do it!

It seems to me now that the things that make life more difficult day to day – overthinking, second-guessing, being uncomfortably aware of every little nuance – are the very things that give writers an advantage.

What if…?

If that little girl in the treetops had known what an excellent question it is, she might have worried a little less.

December 1, 2012